Kennedy and I attended a MOPS meeting this morning. It was lovely to be among other mommas and have some brunch, listen to mentor moms talk about how you get through this crazy thing called motherhood and generally take a moment to breathe. Kennedy stays in the nursery right next door to the meeting room while I'm there. And if the babysitters need a momma, they just come get her. So after an hour and a half, they came to get me. I was really surprised she had lasted that long, since last time we tried they came to get me after like 20 minutes...
I went in to get Kennedy and she was in the middle of the floor crying, tears running down her face looking truly distraught. The caregiver said that she'd done better this week but had been upset off and on for the last hour. Holy cow. She's been upset for an hour and they are just now getting me. Points to them and little K for trying hard. She did SO WELL. I could tell from looking at her that she hadn't been beside herself (her little face wasn't super red and neither were her eyes) she was just upset. She needed me. AND THAT'S OKAY!!!! She's a baby and she's learning. She's allowed to need her mom. It will ALWAYS be okay with me if she just needs to be near me. I don't care if it's in the middle of something that I'm trying to do for myself, or while I'm sleeping or whatever. For us, that's just what being a mom means. I'm there. Always. And she's learning. When a kid learns to ride a bike, they don't just get thrown down a hill on one and expected to figure it out...it takes time, patience and a lot of encouragement and love from mom and dad. This too will take time. So I scooped her up, calmed her down and then took her back into the meeting with me. As I sat down with my now quite happy child who was content to play by my feet and chatter with the other babies on the floor behind me, one of the moms said in my general direction with a smirk, "Oh look at her, so happy now. She won. She's so proud of herself for winning."
Winning? Were we playing a game? I must have missed that. I thought she was happy because she was feeling loved, cared for and safe...silly me.
I get that same look when I say to someone "Yeah, she sleeps with me for most of the night and that's what's working for us right now. I love it." It's that look that says, "You're crazy and clearly doing this parenting thing wrong. You should fix that."
Here's the deal. I don't judge you for the choices you make with your kiddo. If sleep training works for you, GREAT. If you want your kid to spend hours crying at daycare so you can sit on your couch and "win," lovely. I'm just tired of people saying with their eyes or words, "You're babying her too much." (Yes, someone did say that too me recently.) Y'all. She's a baby. She's my baby. And I'm doing what feels right for me. Do what feels right for you and support me the way I'm trying to support you. Vent complete.
And just to show you that this kid is going to be just fine with my parenting strategies, I decided to take a few pictures today to prove it:
Yes, I know that they aren't all in focus, but she's a moving target...it's hard sometimes! She's one happy girl :-)
So we'll just turn our back on anyone who judges us from now on....
...and keep on smiling together.
6 comments:
As Stephanie Tanner on Full House would say, "How Rude". Kennedy is going to grow up knowing she is So Loved!!!!
You're doing a great job parenting that amazing little girl. Don't you let anyone tell you differently! :D Kennedy is one of the most loved girls ever, and that ain't a bad thing!
I've seen you in action and you are an amazing mom with a beautiful, happy baby. And you're right, she's a baby...you're both learning as you go, just like any other mother I've met has had to do. I pray that you never, ever feel less than the loving, capable mother you are. Feel free to stick your tongue out at anyone who tries ;)
I adore this post. We all do what works for us. Heck, I still make dinner carrying my 18 month old almost the whole time! And, at night I often WISH she would sleep with me. This mommy thing is too hard to pass judgement on each other. What that woman should have said was, "wow, look how much she adores you. You are an awesome mommy."
What a beautiful approach to a loving family. Sweet Miss K is absolutely loved, strong, and brilliant; that does not mean she should be silent, still, and apathetic toward separation from her BFF and momma. It's so disappointing/disheartening to hear experiences of negativity spread in your direction....but so wonderful to hear your confidence and certainty in being the greatest Mom to Kennedy. And hey- the sweet girl made it to target, lunch, and home without crying?! Look at that growth and development at her own pace!! Much love and serious kudos for being so inspiring.
YOU are an AMAZING Mommy....for lack of finding a more appropriate word...SCREW them!! Kennedy is happy, healthy and well loved...I say that makes you Mom of the Year!! Doesn't it feel great when they need you??
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