Adventures in Pregnancy, Part 72

At least I feel like it should be part 72 by now….

Let it be known that if there is a test for something during pregnancy, I’m pretty sure I know about it at this point. Not only do I know about it, I’ve been asked to participate in most of them. I was going to say ALL of them, but then I remembered that I managed NOT to do the 3 hour glucose screen. I only had to do the one hour screen….I digress.

At my 35 week NST, Kennedy was SO unwilling to cooperate that when the nurse left the room the last time to go report to the doctor, she left with, “I’m pretty sure you’re headed over to the hospital for them to run more tests. I don’t want you to be surprised if that’s what he says. There’s probably nothing wrong, but you should know that’s a possibility.” Right. So of course, I panic. Saved by the doctor, I did NOT have to go to the hospital. I was sent home and told to ask Kennedy to play nicer next time.

So I’m getting ready to go in for my 36 week appointment yesterday and I am DETERMINED not to be stressed out. (By the way, whoever named this the “non-stress test” clearly had never had to ask their unborn child to play nicely each week with doctors for an entire trimester….) So I was feeling pretty calm when I went in, thank you very much.

The nurse took my blood pressure and when she reacted with, “uh oh,” I peeked around the corner to see what triggered this reaction…143/81. I made sure she knew that in previous appointments my blood pressure has been taken more than once because it would show up slightly high (never this high) at the beginning of an appointment and then it would drop back down after I was done with the nonSTRESStest. She said she’d take it again later.

I got all hooked up for the nonSTRESStest and then did my normal “pleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease” while trying to create an overwhelming zen feeling for myself to bring my blood pressure down. Well, Kennedy was an all-star. She kicked and rolled and her little heart rate zoomed up and returned to normal just as pretty as you please. The doctor came in to check on me after about 15 minutes or so and said we were already done. WAHOO! Way to go, baby girl!

He checked me to see if there were any signs that I might have this little girl someday soon, and after declaring that there was no way I’d be having a baby today, said we were all done. My favorite nurse, Patty (if you frequented the doctor’s office as much as I do, you’d have a favorite too) unhooked me from the NST and just for fun I mentioned that the first nurse was going to take my blood pressure again, but hadn’t yet. No problem, Patty would take it for me. 140/80.

Here’s where the adventure begins. Patty goes to track down the doctor to ask what he’d like to do about my high blood pressure. I sit and wait patiently google high blood pressure during pregnancy on my phone. According to my WebMD research, you get to join me in the high blood pressure category if your top number is higher than 140 and/or your bottom number is higher than 90.  The danger with high blood pressure during pregnancy is that it’s a sign of preeclampsia. It does NOT mean you have preeclampsia. It’s just one of the symptoms. Other symptoms include protein in the urine and swelling of your hands and feet. After reading this, it occurs to me that when the doctor walked in he commented on my swollen feet…oh, good.

For some of you, you may want to stop reading now because things are about to get very urine focused. I’ve managed to find a lot of humor in my day today, but it may be just too much for some. If you continue reading, know that you’ve been warned.

For those that don’t know, when you’re pregnant you get the pleasure of peeing in a cup each and every time you visit the doctor so that they can make sure you don’t have protein in your urine. I’ve never had a problem with protein in my urine.

Reenter my favorite nurse, Patty. “Come on,” she says. “You’ve got homework.”

She proceeds to walk me down the hallway to the lab in my doctor’s office, where the lab tech (who also knows my face by now) greets me with, “Aren’t you done with me? All that should be left for you is to have a baby! I mean, how far along are you now?” Yes, my friend, I should be done with the lab. But fate would not have it that way. Patty reaches under the sink, pulls out a giant orange jug and affixes a sticker to it. “You’ve been assigned a 24 hour urine test. You’re going to write your name on this sticker, collect all of your urine for a 24 hour period in this jug and then bring it back to the office for us to check. You’ll need to schedule a nurse’s appointment to do so.”

Are you having the same reaction I did….if so, right now you’re thinking, “Excuse me? I am being asked to do WHAT?”

I guess the look on my face said it all, because she decided to give me the run down of the situation in a very step-by-step manner with some extra hints for success along the way. Here’s what she said:

1. When you get up tomorrow morning, you’re going to discard your first morning urine. Then from then on you’re going to collect ALL urine from the 24 hour period in this jug. Your life will be much easier if you will go by a drug store and pick up a urine hat to help you.

2. You’re going to store the jug in the refrigerator.

3. You’re going to make a nurse’s appointment to come back to see us after your 24 hours are over.

Let me tell you what my brain focused on…

1. You mean I have to collect urine at 2AM when I barely know I am awake? And what the heck is a urine hat?

2. I’m putting a jug of urine in my fridge….EW!

3. You mean I have to come back here again this week?!

I took my jug, made my appointment and did what any girl would do…called my mother to complain. My mom was kind enough to remind me that though, yes, I have taken just about every pregnancy related test known to mankind at this point, they have all proven time and time again that Kennedy and I are both healthy and doing just fine. Ah, perspective. She’s so good at that. And I asked her the important questions in life like WHAT THE HECK IS A URINE HAT and WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO GET ONE?!

Mom talked me off the ledge and sent me to a local drugstore…should you ever need to know, CVS does NOT, in fact, carry urine hats. Now, even after seeing a urine hat (which, for your reference, goes underneath the toilet seat to collect urine), I could not, at first, figure out why in the world it was called a urine hat. Let me assure you, it does NOT go on your head like a hat. It wasn’t until I set it on the sink this morning that it all made sense….

I sincerely hope you find as much amusement in that picture as I do…

So my 24 hours will be over tomorrow morning at 7:30 and I will be at the doctor shortly after that. When I get there, what do you want to bet that my blood pressure is like 118/75 just to throw everyone off…..